Sarah Zhang

Category: Blog

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  • The Upcoming Year, A Trip to Japan

    Being from Hawaii, it’s weird that I’ve never been to any Asian country besides China. I watched all these Japanese movies such as Memories of Tomorrow and Tunnel to Summer, the End of Goodbyes. My impression is that Japan is one of the better places in the world to visit and live, especially as a minority.

    On another note, I just found out that I won a small writing contest, $10, from a local Hawaii publisher called Bamboo Ridge Press. While my main literary interest is mainstream Contemporary American Writing, I have also become aware of the Contemporary Hawaii Fiction scene that is taking over here in Hawaii. There’s more writing that redefines what it means to be authentically local and has really evolved with greater depth, style and genre. Two such authors are Chris McKinney and Donald Carreira Ching.

    Even though Hawaii publishers are less well known on the mainland, we play an important role in the Asia Pacific nexus. There is a lot of new writing that rejects colonialism and ethnic appropriation and includes more fantasy and speculative fiction set here in the aina. There’s pidgin writing, stories on classism and the system, Hawaii and local traditions, and people from both urban and rural communities. Bamboo Ridge Press isn’t going to be my only interest, but in the near future I’d like to make it one of my three main literary focuses and I want to complete at least two novels for this genre.

    I’m very excited about my upcoming book projects and really need to save up if I am to explore the world of Japan one day. They have the best soda lemonade.

  • Life During the First Trump Era

    The first Trump era were some of the best in my life. It was a time when I felt optimistic about the future, friendships, part time work, the holidays and recovery. How did things end up the way they are now, ten years down the road? I could go into detail about how I met Jackie, discovered support group, walked across Kaena Point to see the albatrosses, and volunteered at a literacy organization. With Jackie gone permanently to Las Vegas, it feels like maybe this is just the new reality.

    I sometimes think about my best friend Jackie and recall all the ups and downs we went through together. We watched 4th of July fireworks, drank boba together before women’s support group, bought used goods at the carnival, and celebrated birthdays.

    Somehow, after everything we had been through, I’ve come to realize that many people I met through group consider it their “dream life” to dine in the beaches of Waikiki, travel the world, and even find love. But there was something in me that always felt like life was something more. It wasn’t about magic tricks or status, but rather the desire to stand up for the things that mattered to me and has no price tag. Do you choose loyalty in a friend, or the benefits of friendship? Do you choose magic powers for yourself or the chance to better humanity? All I can say is that too many people want in cash the things that I want from the soul. It’s not that I don’t enjoy a day trip to the mall and beach. But I have other sides to me, not all of which can be measured by socioeconomic standards.

    One day, I would like to see myself talking story with Jackie over shaved ice by the mall, and to go through the kinds of hardship that ultimately brings out the realness in people. It’s just that mental illness isn’t the only topic that I want to write about. I only want to get their story right.

  • Global Racial Tensions

    Everyday on the news, I hear more about the tensions between China and America. Some see it as a war between east and west, classism or a matter of race. I personally see it as a battle between good and evil. It’s disappointing that the KKK and white upper class here in America are only usurped by an even more foreboding evil – the rat race that we have all been pulled into. People sometimes ask if being an ethical person is enough to win, or if we will be forever dwarfed by the people that choose oppression.

    My own Jane Eyre dream seems like a rose tinted vision that doesn’t apply to Asians. I grew up believing wholeheartedly in the stories from Dickens to Twain, only to realize upon leaving Hawaii that being Jane Eyre was a whites only advantage. I am not someone who likes to follow the rules, especially the rules imposed on me by others. It also doesn’t really interest me what other people think of me. But I can’t handle the kinds of evil activities that people like to call progress these days.

    One of my main critics here in Hawaii are millennials. Some like to undermine my vision of fighting evil with my best friend Jackie, my partner in crime. On some level, I feel that there are many people here who are afraid of change. They would protect the very establishments that would prevent a greater degree of freedom, independence and choice. It reminds me of the book “The Lord of the Flies”, which glorified the primal reality of human nature. Neither am I a pacifist or Mother Teresa. The pen is my sword, and I intend to use it to fight.

    I like Asian aesthetic and have adopted a lot of the culture of Japan. It’s never been in my heart to put the interests of my own first. So I see supporting China’s luxury hotels, fine dining, hot springs and lakeside gardens as very cheap things to sell out for. Right now, if I had to describe what love meant to me, it would be the song “Suburbia” by Troye Sivan. I want a good romance that crosses through time, boundaries, and even war.

  • A Bittersweet Farewell

    Life, for me, has reached a new crossroad. My mother and father are retiring and traveling abroad. I had been living with them since I returned home from college and the feelings of adulthood, independence and responsibility have suddenly fallen on my shoulders.
    I recall in my earlier years of schizophrenia recovery, I had this dream of saving up money to visit Japan. It would act as a kind of benchmark of my own ability to live for myself as a survivor of mental illness. Year after year, I dealt with various responsibilities and that dream had never really been fulfilled.
    Looking ahead on the future, I realize that time is short and opportunities fleeting. My family, friends and supporters will one day be a passing memory.
    I recall all the years that I had been visiting my mom’s boss’ house, and the lost days and hours that eventually turned to years. There were Winter swells and low tide, and the light of traffic in the westward direction on late nights going home from Hawaii Kai. There were McDonald’s runs, bacon cheese fries, and music on the radio. I’m going to miss this when it’s gone.