News and Contemplation

A lot of terrible things have been happening lately, especially to family and friends. I’m working on a sequel to “The Women’s Travelogue” called “Women on the Camino del Norte.” It follows the same characters as they travel to Spain. Among the disheartening topics, my mom is going blind and Jackie has been very gloomy.

Here, I’d like to point out that I don’t necessarily think that the United States will lose and fall at the hands of China. Trump’s America, possibly. However, I feel that there is reason to believe that the situation is not a hopeless one.

My dad might be going abroad again soon and mom’s boss’ house hasn’t had any new buyers. So, the situation is stressful. I really wish that I could avoid trouble and remain stable until the upcoming election, with the hope that things will get better for Jackie.

By the way, here are some comments I’d made about my books that I’d posted to facebook:

Ultimately, one main theme of Night in NYC is about giving up your inhibitions, your desires, and instead choosing to pick up the sword and fight for your beliefs, whether you are young or old, rich or poor. If the reader falls in love with the story, they will become more like Rain.

Suburbia is about how beautiful the world can be, then letting it all come crashing down in the end. Ultimately, it’s a story of love, and how it rises above the desire to claim, and all obstacles, even death. I guess it’s kind of my very ambitious Americana fantasy.

A Place for Us is about not succeeding at the cost of the suffering of others. Don’t let Lydia die just so you can become a nurse and send your kids to private school.

Calling on the Sea is about how angry I am at someone who sabotaged my writing. So, I intentionally did not work very hard on it.

The Women’s Travelogue is mostly designed to relieve stress and give readers the assurance that I’m actually on their side.

In Love in the Modern World, there are a lot of Native American themes and it represents the authenticity I try to bring to my work

In the Winter of My Dreams is ultimately inspired by how much I love Jake and it is supposed to be romantic. There’s some allusions to The Joy Luck Club and Asian American identity

Ohio Beauty’s theme is another Americana story about mental health that is inspired by wild horses and McCarthy.

Anastasia and the Boy Prince is about empathy for the damned

Take Me As I Am is the real mental health story where they challenge social norms, cross magical boundaries and demand representation in America

Women on the Camino del Norte is mostly based on the same theme as the first volume and experiments with more character interaction, storytelling and happily ever after

You’re welcome.

I really want to take a break from writing. I am taking some writing classes online up until May. We have no plans after that until the China/Japan trip in September. Probably, Night in NYC will go through heavy editing. For some reason, my grammar is getting worse and I just have to deal with it. I’m wondering if I’d benefit from a grammar class.

I am feeling unwell over the situation with the Cold War. I have nothing against Chinese people and in fact want to advocate for their success and well being, their culture and their pride. Every time I visit, most people don’t hate America or seem like bad people, whether they are rich or poor. So, I don’t think blaming anyone who happens to be Chinese is right. That being said, somebody, or some people there clearly have a malicious intent to bring plague to America rather than opt for cooperation and peaceful coexistence. I was led to believe that Chinese politicians did not support confrontation and would be open to dialogue. I’m sick of the Christmas-y Chinese music blending the latest tempos with traditional beats, the popularization of Chinese culture for the sake of evil intent, and overall the embrace by the younger generation of pride in orientalism, the bad kind.

Which leads me to the question of whether I should support a military confrontation, an economic or technological race, or a more peaceful approach. I was secretly hoping that by not holding a hard line stance on China, I would have room to argue for the safety of more people when America inevitably declines. Instead of fighting, what I really would’ve liked is to save as much as possible. I think that this is something that American politicians need to get right. They are pouring all our resources into war, burning all the things we should protect like our arts, our kids, and our belief system. I think the smart thing to do is “both.” We are not going to win in a military confrontation and I am realizing many people who lead the world are not interested in morality at all. Well, they are going to have to go through me because I will give my last breath to upholding morality even if I have nothing to gain from it.

This war is a set-up by China. It’s like in “Princess Mononoke” where the pig leaders are blind and run to their deaths fighting humans with guns. However, if they did not run to their deaths, they would probably become the domesticated imprisoned pigs that we see today. I have to admit that I am surprised that these Chinese voted for oppression when they promised me that they would not destroy America after they inevitably become world leaders. In exchange for my tolerance, I wanted to save the lives of the American piglets first. I feel like saying that I won’t fight China is un-American, or that I don’t want to win. I want to prioritize saving the kids first, even if it meant bowing to a foreign leader. That is what I mean by negotiation, save our schools and not our right to bear arms.

The last time that I visited my dad’s side of the family was twelve years ago. I have a feeling my mom neglected to tell them the entire time who her grandparents were because they were noticeably reacting differently since I posted my great grandparent’s old photos on Instagram of which I’m friends with my cousin. Not long after, they invited my dad back to visit the family. I think a lot of them want me to visit the family as well, and are overjoyed that I’m experiencing success as a writer.

This brings me to my next question, which is how eligibility is measured. A lot of people use personality typing – who feels, who thinks, who writes, who sings. This is terrible and should be abolished because it essentially is a way to make almost everyone feel bad about themselves. Overall, I think that too many people in Hawaii over-value ethnicity or social wealth and undervalue talent. On the mainland, there is a personality typing problem that’s gotten out of hand. I really can’t help but feel that true qualities in people are often underrated. I was hoping that we give all the good guys the rare personality traits and especially make good readers into good writers, too.

My friend Jackie is someone that I consider underrated. Due to her diagnosis in high school, she’d lost her friends and spent the last two years of high school sitting in the back of class pretending to be invisible. This experience changed her and she struggled with depression until her discovery of United Self Help showed her a way to recover. We became best friends, and most of the people there liked her. As awesome of a friend as she is, I can’t help but feel that becoming diagnosed at a younger age stunted her development and future in more ways than one.

I feel like there are people who think that inner beauty can be bought or created, that traits are just for vanity, and that a wave of a wand can solve all of humanity’s problems. Progress exists in almost everything, and this is why action in the direction of change matters, nurturing and building the things inside, becoming open minded to new ideas and having the inner drive and vision, are all things that make us different from one another. I will just go ahead and spill the tea – I make success look easy, and I hide all the pain and sacrifice. I want to prove that there is a difference between a girl who studied from birth and got accepted at the Duke English program and one who is following the latest fad in becoming some speculative fiction author.

I am discovering more and more that people on earth are fraught with racism, social judgement, kissing up to whoever has power, and always creating some unnecessary rules to determine who is in and who is out. I’d like to believe that we are not our circumstance, we are and live as a reflection of our souls. When asked what one would wish for, most will say a more beautiful soul, an exceptional soulmate, wealth to live the good life, or unlimited enjoyment. These are all baby wishes to me. If I had to make one wish, it would be that I can become the difference that I want to see in the world. I educate my future kids to be the same, and your decision not to do so is on you.

These days, I think more and more about the future. I wonder how many years I have in my career as an author, how many years I have left to live a productive life, see the world, find new adventures, and if there are good days to come. Too often, people around me think it doesn’t matter unless it has some immediate value. To me, it matters that we are conscientious about humanity and not just about ourselves. I’d like to enter more contests and win more awards, especially for my speculative fiction.

Too many bad things have happened in recent months, mostly to my friends and family. I really would like to take a vacation, bring home another publication, or maybe even do a little retail therapy. I might go to the Thursday support group next week since this week I have another psychiatric appointment. I definitely will give priority to Kinsman Quarterly for upcoming contests. But I submitted a few entries today to other magazines.

I’m really nervous about when my mom will retire, since it feels like life will improve once she is free to go traveling and live out her retirement in happiness. For me personally, I would like to see Jackie return to visit Hawaii, to look cute and bring home some books on the upcoming trip, finish a couple more writing classes, and make the most of this free time.

My mom’s boss’ house buyer canceled their offer. I don’t know if that means that my mom will be working instead of visiting Spain with my dad in the Spring. Also, I don’t like when others try to help me or hurt me romantically. Please don’t help me, especially people from support group. There are some things in life where you need to get there on your own, because nobody can get there for you. I’m not asking you to believe this. I just won’t listen if you tell me to stop pursuing my own life goals, to “relax,” and to “let others work the magic.” Maybe it’s my imagination, but I’d like to believe that I found a heartthrob Caucasian person that I’d like to invite into the family one day. That is what I consider a “win.”

After Yuki, I’m thinking of buying a Pom Pom or other small toy dog, to be named Ellie, that I hope will be her equal (if Yuki doesn’t sabotage her). I’m sure that there are many eligible bachelors and bachelorettes who’d like to join my family. However, I am hoping to give one of those spots to an underdog. That doesn’t mean I am going to accept a loser with a big heart. I am expecting to make this match worth my time, and not to my first born son.

I am definitely willing to dial down my appearance in exchange for a successful writing career. However, I think that a pretty face could help me win more publications. “Grace” isn’t the most fabulous or eccentric work, and it is quite mediocre compared to similar projects. The poetry is very prose-like. So, I don’t know if I have what it takes to get it published and I would like to work on “Suburbia: Recollections” for my next project. My family back home are waiting to hear more good news. We will be spending around 10 days in China and 7-10 days in Japan around September of this year. I’d like to return a heroine!

Even with this setback of a canceled housing bid, I think that my mom will retire soon and life will be a turn in the road. I imagine that my parents will become more nomadic, and I will need to find the strength to pave my own path. I would like to meet up with a lot of my old classmates one day as friends who’ve gone through things together.

On another note, I signed up for a Gotham Writer’s Workshop class called “Reading Fiction” to be taken from mid-April to the end of May. I’d like to pop out at least three projects or revised projects this year. However, given the writer’s block, I might have to be less ambitious in my upcoming projects and perhaps even turn to self-publishing my next project after “Grace.”